This is often the moment that "snaps" me. I've been tempted in those moments to grab a cardboard box and empty their room full of toys and activities into it - throw it outside and announce that NOW they have nothing to do. [Which I have not yet done, but do not be too shocked when it does happen.]
It's not that they don't enjoy their toys, rather kids just need direction. They need guidelines and boundaries as well as a bit of space for creativity and imagination to flourish. Small children not only need suggestions of what to do, but often need us to sit with them and participate...help them along and teach them. And while it is a joy and privilege to be able to spend that time with my kids, let's be honest - it's also a bit exhausting and can be overwhelming at times [and I only have three - I know many of you are caring for more].
I find myself balancing the fine line between providing a healthy amount of structured developmental activities and feeding my children an overdose of entertainment as I try to keep their busy minds occupied. At times I struggle with the question, "Am I creating a habit of needing to be continuously engaged and entertained to be happy?" When my kids come to me complaining of "nothing to do", I wonder
1. Have I allowed them to become over-stimulated by an excess of entertainments [games, movies, toys - even "educational" ones] to the point where they no longer find any satisfaction in those activities?
2. Have I modeled for them what it is to be still? Have they experienced moments of quiet relaxation - reading a book, taking a walk? Do they know how to enjoy just BEING, rather than needing to be busy?
3. Have I established in them a dependence on someone else providing activity for them all the time...or have they learned how to creatively construct ideas and activities on their own?
4. Have I been neglecting to provide structured activities for them?
5. Do they feel overwhelmed by the options I have made available to them?
6. How can I provide them with structure, yet teach them to think for themselves?
7. How do I establish in their lives the ability to accept and enjoy moments of business and of rest?
8. Are my expectations realistic at their stages of development?
9. How do I juggle all the responsibilities life places in front of me AND keep three little ones constantly entertained...is that even what is best?
*sigh*
I'm exhausted just considering it all.
While I don't have any really great answers, I've come up with a helpful tool I use in those moments when I cannot stop everything else to find "something to do".
We call it "Pick a Project". I've used it since my son [who is 5 now] was just a little guy. I already mentioned that he seems to need the most structure in our family. This little system has been great for him.
However, since I made it several years ago, the "projects" for him to pick have become a bit too childish. So I revised the activities and we now have a new and improved "Pick a Project" system.
I used an empty spice container for this project.
I cut out strips of cardstock the length of my container.
At the bottom of the strips I listed an activity [such as "coloring", "read a book", or "complete a puzzle"] which my children can do on their own. One activity per strip.
This time around I made separate strips for my 5 year old and my 3 year old. Some of the projects are repeated but now they have ideas specific for each of them. I marked my daughter's projects with pink paper hearts at the top of each strip...and my son's projects with blue stars.
I placed all the strips [shapes at the top, writing at the bottom] into the container.
When I need some time to complete a project of my own...or when the kids complain of boredom, I pull out the Pick a Project jar and each child picks one of their strips.
Whatever project is picked must be accomplished. I do not let them pick until they find one they like.
It's not the big solution...but it is useful.
I need to continue to ask the Lord for wisdom as I train my kids. I know the patterns they establish during these precious years will affect the rest of their lives. I also know that God is able to work in their lives even [and maybe especially] where I fall short. As I navigate these years of parenting and teaching my children, I am so thankful for His grace. Each of my children is a blessing and my role as their mother is a gift from the Lord. If your home is anything like mine...you will experience moments today when you need this reminder as much as I do.
This is a really nice idea. I like how you executed it, with the stars and hearts.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember now how I found your blog, but I subscribed and I have looked through some of your past posts. I was homeschooled myself and that's what I plan to do with my daughter as well. I believe, though, that structure is important and that's part of why I like your blog because you share how you are incorporating that into your daily life with your children.
Thank you, Heather.
ReplyDeleteI was also homeschooled for part of my education. Before that, I attended both public and private schools.
I agree that discipline and structure are a crucial part of a healthy childhood. Children need these skills to thrive in their adulthood later on, and establishing healthy habits is much easier if we begin practicing them at a young age.
I see many advantages to home education; one of these is the freedom to let kids be kids. I can spend a couple hours a day focusing on academics and spend the rest of our afternoon learning as we interact as a family and experience life together.
So, while structure is important both for the kids and for myself as well, these years pass so very quickly - structure is just a tool to navigate time and tasks. Life cannot always be mapped out ahead of time and it is equally important to learn how to manuver through a day that does not go according to plan.
I'm glad you have enjoyed looking through my blog. Thank you for your encouraging words!